Cyber Relationships & Social Net-working.
I’ve been net connected for quite some time. A very happily married man of 54 and having an extremely good and settled life. Due to my background, education and interests – have been in touch with my generation and the current generation. This has given me the opportunity to be in touch, and up to date, with all the so called in-things also.
Of the many in-things of the net revolution – in India at least, the social net-working and net friendship/relationship have developed to a considerable level. Many paid and free sites and net-works are in vogue. Lot of financial involvement is also there. One good thing which is happening is the opening up of an avenue where-in many people are benefited, though not without the attendant extreme risks of the net-connected world. Many liaisons are also made in the cyber space both for the better and worse.
In my various outings in this cyber world, many times in pop-ups, some social networking, adult friendship type ads also do pop up and raise my curiosity. I’ve joined some and found nothing of substance and subsequently left all. Still time and again keep visiting these sites to see what is happening around, how people are using/abusing it. The most prominent attitude, I have observed is, the cyber world is without any boundaries or limits, the extreme dominance of pent-up sex related feelings and ideas, adventures and/or misadventures. Most of the liaisons start with sex as a basic inbuilt component. The tone and demeanour looks mostly out of the fantasy world. I often wonder whether they will help us or destroy the social fabric we have inherited from our past. Are the basics of the Indian Psyche threatened? This also brings to mind a question from a very interesting book from Reader’s Digest – The book of QUESTIONS. In the book around 100 odd questions were there – which have no answers: for example – If you know your invention is going to kill some people but benefit most of the human race – will you go for the invention? There cannot be any correct answer to this question as the answers will be very individual. In the context of the cyber relationships also I find a strong similarity.
I also braved this space and explored to find some such contacts to have fun/entertainment or live out some fantasies (at least in the cyber-space) but did not have any success at all. Maybe I was not very keen to touch base and so the efforts were minimal but from what I read about the cyber-space, it should have been other-wise. Anyway I’ve no regrets.
Recently though I received a friend request from an unknown lady, a divorcee of 30 somethings. Just like that I accepted the request and started on my way to a fantastic new experience.
The beginnings were very restrained on both parts with the usual mistrust of the cyber world. Gradually it turned out to be an excellent experience. The present thought of – SHARING AND CARING is born out of this experience which I want to share with whoever is interested in, with the hope it helps someone.
On my part, as the aim was fun/entertainment/experience the expectations were minimal. There was nothing specific I was looking at. May be my curiosity was the only motivator. The same can be said for her – let me call her ‘R’. As we started the exchange of mails, chats on messenger and other communications – I could feel a volcano of hidden feelings in R. Belonging to a good family and well educated, R seemed to be in a perfect physical and mental state but for a small mishap of the divorce. Though she had already come out of the traumatic experience, still it has dented her overall beliefs in life. I could feel a well of feelings raring to be shared. Her beliefs and abilities, her mental assets and liabilities, her feelings, her emotions all waiting to be shared, reconfirmed, augmented. We have a big gap in the age still I could feel everything and she could empathise with me. From the beginning we were sure of a cyber relationship and nothing beyond; still the intensity of the shared feelings is beyond imagination.
This has provoked me to mull over the need for support groups. We have many help-lines, social support groups and other counselling alternatives but are they enough? Are they within reach of people in need? It has also raised the questions of support available from friends and family. Are we running too fast and after something insignificant and paying the heavy price by losing everything else in the bargain? It worries me to think of the future this life-style is leading us to. I’ve heard many times – Joy shared MULTIPLYS and Anguish shared DIVIDES. This is perfectly right, but where are the people with whom to share and where is THE reliability and confidence to do that? Why have we become so self cantered that we have lost everything else, neither are we a part of anyone’s life nor anyone else is a part of us, even in case of married couples many a times this absence of sharing is observed. Is this leading us to a mentally and emotionally bankrupt state? The situation seems grim though, but not beyond redemption. There is light at the end of the tunnel. First we have to take the lead, initiate and start sharing and caring – we will definitely get the same in return. Whatever the society has given us, we have to return with our added inputs. We have to look closer home for this and be open. Look around our own surroundings and be liberal and open to allow people to get in our shell.
We also have to change the attitude of fun/fantasies as a use of the cyber media – instead use it as a tool for betterment of life. The inventor’s of this space have given us a fantastic opportunity to make the best use of the medium. Let’s not waste it for living out sexual fantasies and pent-up frustrations. The available sexual exposure may please momentarily, and there is no harm in the momentary enjoyment but we have to be matured enough to filter out the permanent effects of the potential damage. Else it should better be refrained from. We have to grow-up and educate ourselves to openly discuss between friends on the TABOO subject and make most considered choice for such exposure.
I’ve been net connected for quite some time. A very happily married man of 54 and having an extremely good and settled life. Due to my background, education and interests – have been in touch with my generation and the current generation. This has given me the opportunity to be in touch, and up to date, with all the so called in-things also.
Of the many in-things of the net revolution – in India at least, the social net-working and net friendship/relationship have developed to a considerable level. Many paid and free sites and net-works are in vogue. Lot of financial involvement is also there. One good thing which is happening is the opening up of an avenue where-in many people are benefited, though not without the attendant extreme risks of the net-connected world. Many liaisons are also made in the cyber space both for the better and worse.
In my various outings in this cyber world, many times in pop-ups, some social networking, adult friendship type ads also do pop up and raise my curiosity. I’ve joined some and found nothing of substance and subsequently left all. Still time and again keep visiting these sites to see what is happening around, how people are using/abusing it. The most prominent attitude, I have observed is, the cyber world is without any boundaries or limits, the extreme dominance of pent-up sex related feelings and ideas, adventures and/or misadventures. Most of the liaisons start with sex as a basic inbuilt component. The tone and demeanour looks mostly out of the fantasy world. I often wonder whether they will help us or destroy the social fabric we have inherited from our past. Are the basics of the Indian Psyche threatened? This also brings to mind a question from a very interesting book from Reader’s Digest – The book of QUESTIONS. In the book around 100 odd questions were there – which have no answers: for example – If you know your invention is going to kill some people but benefit most of the human race – will you go for the invention? There cannot be any correct answer to this question as the answers will be very individual. In the context of the cyber relationships also I find a strong similarity.
I also braved this space and explored to find some such contacts to have fun/entertainment or live out some fantasies (at least in the cyber-space) but did not have any success at all. Maybe I was not very keen to touch base and so the efforts were minimal but from what I read about the cyber-space, it should have been other-wise. Anyway I’ve no regrets.
Recently though I received a friend request from an unknown lady, a divorcee of 30 somethings. Just like that I accepted the request and started on my way to a fantastic new experience.
The beginnings were very restrained on both parts with the usual mistrust of the cyber world. Gradually it turned out to be an excellent experience. The present thought of – SHARING AND CARING is born out of this experience which I want to share with whoever is interested in, with the hope it helps someone.
On my part, as the aim was fun/entertainment/experience the expectations were minimal. There was nothing specific I was looking at. May be my curiosity was the only motivator. The same can be said for her – let me call her ‘R’. As we started the exchange of mails, chats on messenger and other communications – I could feel a volcano of hidden feelings in R. Belonging to a good family and well educated, R seemed to be in a perfect physical and mental state but for a small mishap of the divorce. Though she had already come out of the traumatic experience, still it has dented her overall beliefs in life. I could feel a well of feelings raring to be shared. Her beliefs and abilities, her mental assets and liabilities, her feelings, her emotions all waiting to be shared, reconfirmed, augmented. We have a big gap in the age still I could feel everything and she could empathise with me. From the beginning we were sure of a cyber relationship and nothing beyond; still the intensity of the shared feelings is beyond imagination.
This has provoked me to mull over the need for support groups. We have many help-lines, social support groups and other counselling alternatives but are they enough? Are they within reach of people in need? It has also raised the questions of support available from friends and family. Are we running too fast and after something insignificant and paying the heavy price by losing everything else in the bargain? It worries me to think of the future this life-style is leading us to. I’ve heard many times – Joy shared MULTIPLYS and Anguish shared DIVIDES. This is perfectly right, but where are the people with whom to share and where is THE reliability and confidence to do that? Why have we become so self cantered that we have lost everything else, neither are we a part of anyone’s life nor anyone else is a part of us, even in case of married couples many a times this absence of sharing is observed. Is this leading us to a mentally and emotionally bankrupt state? The situation seems grim though, but not beyond redemption. There is light at the end of the tunnel. First we have to take the lead, initiate and start sharing and caring – we will definitely get the same in return. Whatever the society has given us, we have to return with our added inputs. We have to look closer home for this and be open. Look around our own surroundings and be liberal and open to allow people to get in our shell.
We also have to change the attitude of fun/fantasies as a use of the cyber media – instead use it as a tool for betterment of life. The inventor’s of this space have given us a fantastic opportunity to make the best use of the medium. Let’s not waste it for living out sexual fantasies and pent-up frustrations. The available sexual exposure may please momentarily, and there is no harm in the momentary enjoyment but we have to be matured enough to filter out the permanent effects of the potential damage. Else it should better be refrained from. We have to grow-up and educate ourselves to openly discuss between friends on the TABOO subject and make most considered choice for such exposure.
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