रिश्ते

कुछ सोचते सोचते अचानक रिश्तो पर आकर मन कंही अटक सा गया। अभी कुछ दिनों पहले ही अपने कुछ करीबी लोगो के बिच था। वैसे तो २६ साल पुरानी जान पहचान है पर इन बरसो में कभी ज्तादा घनिष्ठता नही रही। पर उस दिन जो देखा उससे मन काफी व्यथित हो गया और एक इच्छा हुई की अगर कुछ किया जा सके तो जरुर प्रयत्न करना चाहिए। कुछ बताने से पहले उस मित्र और अपने बारे में कुछ बताता चलु - हमारी जान पहचान किसी माध्यम से है - परिवेश एकदम भिन्न - उमर में भी कोई १०/१२ सल् का अन्तर है। मेरी पृष्टभूमि बौधिक और जब परिचय हुआ तब वो शायद कॉलेज में था। पर उस परिवार ने कभी मेरे अस्तित्व को नही स्वीकारा न ही कभी जो मेरे पास था उस का सन्मान किया। उनका दोष भी नही है। उन लोगो का परिवेश भौतिक है और में बुद्धिजीवी जिस वस्तु का वो सन्मान करते है वो मेरे लिए गौण थी और आज भी है। पर जिस माध्यम से परिचय है उस के कारण जीवन भर कुछ न कुछ लेना देना तो लगा ही रहेगा।

इसी क्रम में कोई १२/१३ वर्ष पहले एक फ़ोन आया - उन महाशय के विवाह का निमंत्रण - फ़ोन पर मुझे बताया गया की अन्तर-जातीय विवाह है कोई रिश्तेदार शामिल नही हो रहे अगर आप आना चाहे तो जरुर आए। जिस ने निमंत्रण दिया उन्हें भी कंहा पता था की मैं उस विवाह के कितना पक्ष में हो सकता हूँ। चूँकि उन महासय से पहले से भी कोई बहुत लगाव या बातचीत नही थी सो विवाह मैं शामिल होना एक औपचारिकता मात्र थी। उस दिन भी मुझे लगा था उस ने जो निर्णय लिया है उसमें मैं कितना बड़ा शुभ चिन्तक हो सकता हुँ उसे पता नही था। समय गुजरता रहा और यदा कदा समाचार मिलते रहे ज्यादातर खुशहाली के ही समाचार थे सो मैं भी खुश हो लिया करता था चलो अपना कोई करीबी सुखी जीवन व्यतीत कर रहा है। जिस से विवाह हुआ वह भी किसी ऊंचे सरकारी पद पर आसीन थी सो किसी चिंता की जरुरत भी नही थी। दोनों के परिवारों मैं कंही कोई मेल नही था जैसा की प्रेम-विवाहों मैं अक्सर होता है सो यह कोई चिंता का विषय भी नही था।

पर उस दिन जब मैंने उनके रिश्तो को सिसक सिसक कर चलते देखा तो मन मैं इतनी व्यथा हुई की क्या कहूँ। रहा नही गया तो मैंने उन साहब से बाते की। पहली बार इतनी बात की और शायद उन्हें भी पहली बार महसूस हुआ हो मेरी भवनाओं का।

बातो से जो सामने आया उससे लगा अपने हाथो लोग जीवन नरक सामान क्यों बना लेते है। जब विवाह का निर्णय लिया था तब आज जिन हालातों से गुजर रहे है उनका पूर्वाभास तो था ही। ये तो मालूम ही था की समाज में लीक से अलग हट कर कुछ करेंगे तो कुछ न कुछ कठिनाइयाँ तो आयेगी ही और ज्यादातर अकेले ही जीवन का रास्ता तय करना होगा।

इन्ही बातो ने कुछ विचार मन में पैदा कर दिए। प्रेम विवाह में जब आदमी प्रेम करता है तो शुरु में जब तक प्रेम पुरी तरह परवान चढ़ता है तब तक एक दुसरे के गुण ही गुण देखता है जिन की वजह से प्रेम की शुरुआत होती है और इन्ही के सहारे चल कर दुसरे दौर में पहुँचता है और साथ साथ जीवन बिताने का निर्णय करता है। इस निर्णय में भी दोनों पक्षों में एक बगावत निहित होती है परन्तु दोनों प्रेम में इतने डूबे होते हैं की आगे की कठिनाईयों को जानते हुए भी नज़रंदाज़ कर देते है और साथ जीने मरने की कसमे ले लेते हैं। यंहा तक तो सब कुछ सही ही चलता है पर आज तक वे दोनों अकेले थे, अब कई नए लोग इस सम्बन्ध में जुड़ जाते है। सब का अपना पूर्वाभाश, परिवेश, बौधिक स्तर और मन्यताऐ भी इस में जुड़ जाते है। अब सुरु होता है प्रेम का इम्तेहान। कहने भर को तो दोनों के परिवार पीछे छूट गए थे पर हकीकत में क्या रिश्ते टूट सकते हैं कभी, और इन्ही रिस्तो को छोड़ने और निभाने में एक द्व्दं चलने लग जाता है। ज्यादातर प्रेम विवाह पढ़े लिखे लोगो में ही देखने में आते हैं और उन से अप्पेक्षा रहती है कि वो इसे अच्छी तरह से निभाएं। इसमे वो सक्षम भी हैं पर कंही उनका अहम् उनके सामने आ कर खड़ा हो जाता है। इस अहम् कि भेंट क्या क्या चढ़ जाऐगा उनको इसका भास तक नही हो पाता। ऐसा नही कि वो प्रयत्न नही करते पर शायद अहम् के परदे के कारण साफ़ साफ़ देख नही पाते। धीरे धीरे छोटी छोटी बातें पहाड़ का रूप ले लेती हैं और दूरियां बढ़नी शुरु हो जाती हैं। कंही बच्चे आ गए तो समस्या और विकट हो जाती है।

में इन लोगो से बस इतना ही पूछना चाहता हूँ कि क्या आपके प्रेम में इतना भी बल नही है कि अपना अच्छा बुरा समझ सकें। जिस विस्वास के बल बूते साथ चलने कि कसमे ली थी क्या वो लहरों पर बसे थे। और ज़रा ये तो सोचे कि विफलता का मूल्य क्या होगा। कितने लोगो कि जिन्दगी उजड़ जायेगी। जब चले थे तो सिर्फ़ दो लोगो ने घर समाज से बगावत की और अपनी खुशी के लिए कुछ निर्णय किए। अगर अपने अहम् के इतने अधीन थे तो क्यों जिन्हें पीछे छोड़ दिया था जीवन से जोड़ा।

दोनों तो फिर भी अहम् की तुस्टी के लिए अलग हो सकते है और दुखी होते हुए भी सुखी होने का मुखौटा पहन कर जीवन जीने का ढोंग कर लेंगे, बच्चो और बाकि जो लोग जुड़ गए उनका क्या हाल होगा। क्या वो भी आपके अहम् का मुखौटा पहन सकेंगे। क्या प्रेम इतना कमजोर साबित हुआ कि एक तुच्छ अहम् तक से लड़ नही सका। कंहा साथ जीने मरने के सपने बुन कर इन राहों पर निकल पडे थे जिन पर कांटे नही तो फूल भी तो नही थे।
और हँसी आती है ये देख कर कि समस्या का हल कितना आसान है जरुरत सिर्फ़ संवाद की ही तो है। हाँ इतना जरुर है संवाद उन्ही लोगो के बिच हो जिन्होंने साथ चलने का निर्णय किया था और सभी पूर्वाभाशो से दूर हट कर हो। प्रेम की उस छत्रछाँया में हो जंहा से इस पथ पर चलने की शुरुवात की थी। जिस प्रेम ने ज़माने, समाज से लड़ने का साहस दिया था उसी प्रेम में समस्या को सुलझाने का बल भी है। जरुरत विस्वास और प्रयास की ही है। हमे कोई हक नही है जब चाहा अपने अनुकूल निर्णय ले लिया और स्थितियां प्रतिकूल हो गई तो आसान राह ले कर समस्या से भाग खड़े हो। कितने ही जीवनों को हमारे अहम् की भेंट चढा देँ। कभी ऐसा जरुर हो सकता है कि अपने आप कोई राह न सूझे उस स्थिथि में किसी मित्र कि सहायता ली जा सकती है। हाँ मित्र ऐसा हो जिससे दोनों अपने मन की बात खुल कर कर सके बिना झिझक और डर के। साथ ही मित्र का दोनों के प्रति इमानदार होना भी उतना ही जरुरी है। अंत में हल तो दोनों को ही निकलना है मित्र तो एक सहायक है कुछ राहें दीखाने में जो आज उन लोगो को नही नज़र आ रही। कल शायद वो दोनों इस बात पर हँसे कि इतनी आसान राह भी हमे नज़र नही आई। मेरे अपने अनुभव के आधार पर इतना जरुर कह सकता हूँ एक बार इस तूफान के गुजर जाने के बाद जब भी इस की याद आएगी हँसी आएगी अपने पर। और एक बात प्रेम से बड़ा संसार में कुछ नही है। इसी लिए प्रेम को इश्वर का दूसरा रूप कहा गया है।
इस लेख के माध्यम से अपने मित्र को बताने की एक कोशिश कर रहा हूँ अगर कुछ हल निकल सके उसके जीवन का और दूसरा प्रयास यह है कि शायद किसी और को मेरी बाते अच्छी लगे और इस से मिलते जुलते हालातों में इसे पढ़ कर अपना जीवन बिगड़ने से बचा ले। किसी एक इन्सान के भी ये विचार काम आ सके तो मुझे मेरा प्रयास अत्यन्त सार्थक लगेगा। मेरा पुरा जीवन रिश्तों के इर्द घूमता रहा है और रिश्ते मेरे लिए सर्वोपरि रहे हैं। किसी के काम आ सका तो अपने जीवन को धन्य समझूंगा।

Second Chance At life

This is a very sensitive matter – however, it requires a lot of discussions and thought in the present social scenario. For ages we have been discussing the same – most recent history being the Indian Cultural Reforms days of Raja Ram Mohan Rai – the great reformer’s crusade against - Sati Pratha, Vidhwa Vivah etc. Those were the problem of those times and scince then much progress has been made. In that time separations were rare but in the present time there are more separations compared to death related separation and it is not only concern of Vidhva Vivah but also the other way round. So the Question of second chance at life has become more important today.
With the development of nuclear families and educational progress of women, women have become more career oriented. Education has also resulted in women becoming more enlightened socially, culturally, economically and most importantly personally. They have started recognising their individual needs and aspirations. Nothing wrong with this, but the development is coming at a great price. In most cases it is the woman who pays the price and is called upon to make compromises. There are some cases to the contrary also but they are few. However, in all cases the relationship of the couple as a whole is under tension. This is not acceptable. If continued, we will lose all the values and peace of mind we inherited from the elders, we will lose the FAMILY, HOME and everything that was and is so dear to the majority of Indians.
A house becomes a home with the presence of both man and woman. The Family is complete with both in addition to the children. Our culture has been very Family oriented. In the present race against time this very concept of family is threatened. I’m discussing about second chance so will not delve into the pros and cons of the break-ups and reasons associated with it. Break-ups are very commonplace. There is little resistance to the break-up as compared to a decade or two ago. As a result of the break-up, not only the individual has to live a miserable life, but all others connected with them also have to undergo a living a nightmare everyday of the life after. Agreed, before the break-up the partners might have tried their best to keep the relationship going and as a last resort, with no possible alternatives available, take the decision to part and go through the pains of separation. But this should not be the end of the road.
There are some cases, where one of the partners has to suffer because of no fault on his part.

A very close family member from a very well to-do family of mine married a beautiful girl, and after about 20 days of the marriage the lady left the home with whatever assets she was in control of. Till date the reasons for the break-up are not known.

Another of my close friends again from a very well to-do family married a groom, a NRI, the marriage lasted just few days and resulted in separation. The reason – the groom already had some affair and did not disclose it, he was not even prepared to get out of the affair and agreed to a divorce.

In both the above cases there was a fault with just one partner, and the other did not even get a chance to build or salvage the relationship. These are two cases in the first – apparently it was the lady to be blamed, in the second it was the man. In others there may be a conflict at both the partners’ level. In even worse cases, there are instances of no conflict with either partner, but the problems arise from the extended families on the man’s as well as the woman’s side – and worsening to such an extent as to lead to a break-up. In all these break-ups both partners do deserve a second chance at life. Nature is not very kind though, and people have to go through lifelong pain and agony but they definitely deserve a second chance.

In the case of the lady, cited above, I’m personally trying to provide whatever support I can. We have long discussions – The marriage was not consummated, she feels it is a boon, I differ. The separation is a very long one – she does not feel the need to remarry, I differ. Since the marriage was not consummated, I feel she should get someone who can respect the status – which is highly unlikely. The age factor is also a deterrent, still when I think about it, I feel she should get this chance and feel what real love and family is. She is still in the child bearing stage – I often wonder why she should not mother a child and enjoy the bliss of motherhood. There are so many similar and sundry points we keep on discussing. One thing which has come out of these discussions, in my opinion, is the pain of the separation has reduced to a great extent, and I feel she is also comforted by the thought – at least there is someone who shares the deepest feelings with her. But this is not enough I know – it can only be complete when she gets that someone The Prince Charming, and the life which we so dearly love and to which she also has a right like all of us.

The second chance in absolute terms means remarriage – that is the ultimate, but till that happens, we should have support groups, friends and relatives who can at least provide sufficient emotional, moral and social support – to an extent – almost near to the second chance. This may not be a second chance but it can be a 1¾ or anything greater than 1 chance. Also, if and when, the partners get the second chance, they should consider it a much cherished gift of Nature and forget about all the past baggage they are carrying. They should discuss their strengths and weaknesses with a very open mind before finally getting in to the new relationship, with the consideration that – they are getting a second chance – but still if they are unable to make the best of this – probably there won’t be a third chance. There may be children, relatives and many other issues – everything has a solution, a way out. It should be an obligation to Nature, for the people connected, to see to it that this way out is seen by the concerned partners. It is said that relationships are based on compromises – why not both be equally prepared to compromise leaving the egos behind. Also it is said – Love has tremendous Power. Let the power of Love rule the mind, the id and ego. We Indians have a lot of faith in worshiping Gods and God-men, if we can be helpful in even one such reunion, we would have achieved the real fruits of the worship.

It is a humane duty of all concerned to ease the path for this chance. It will need a lot of commitment, understanding, support and sacrifice to be helpful to the separated souls in order for them to get the chance and then to build a relationship out of it. But believe me they do deserve this chance. They have a right to it like all of us.

Economic Turmoil and Human Resource Management

Every day we open our eyes in the morning with the news of the Economic Break-down. This is a fact and cannot be denied. In economics parlance it is a cyclic thing and bound to repeat many times. There are attendant problems, hardships, rethinking, re-alignment and so on and so forth. When the bottom lines are at stake, no other thinking has any place but to think of survival and when it becomes a question of survival – it is natural to fight back all-out.
In such a scenario – the HR processes definitely are under extreme pressure. The most common solutions – as is evident from the actions of many Global Corporations – large scale retrenchments of the work force.
Is this the only solution? This question has made me think about the whole HR process and Employee- Employer relationship. Are we the same people who in the flourishing times call employees as the most important asset of an organisation? By mass lay-offs – we are safeguarding the physical assets and laying-off the Human Assets, can this be considered prudent by any line of sane thinking? And who is to blame for this line of thinking? Probably – The HR Advisors have to take the majority of the blame. Why cannot we think beyond the easy alternatives? It may be difficult to take the alternative routes – agreed – but looking beyond the crisis – the results will be something un-imaginable.
Both the Top Management and the HR experts have to sit down and think of possibilities of saving both the physical as well as Human Resources – then only we can say we have learned and mastered the art and science of HR management.
There are n numbers of top notch experts in the field and they definitely must be working overtime to tide over the situation. Compared to them – I’m a non entity to even ponder over the issue, leave alone daring to even think on the issue, but the state of affairs do agitate me to the core to at least voice what I feel.
As written in my earlier articles on HR – I belong to a typical Marwari Businessmen Family and my school and college starts at home first, then beyond. Over the years, my education and attitude towards life has compelled me to think and rethink on issues beyond my professional capabilities. Everytime I delve inside, something new seems possible. In the present case also, the traditional Marwari System of HR management holds a lot of promises. I won’t get in to the details here as, I’m not trying to provide a solution for the issue at hand but instead the attempt is to initiate an alternative line of thinking. In the Marwari system of Management, though it was devoid of any modern day professionalism, it had solutions for almost every situation and especially HR management was probably the best part of the system. Retrenchment never had a place in the system. Still they could tide over a lot of storms.
I feel a very similar approach in the Japanese system, various discussions with peers and family members have indicated – How the Japanese Corporations value their Human Resources and the ways of overcoming the hurdles by both the Employees and the Employers. In case of Germany also, I feel their systems should also be very good, as, though laid-back, their performance and results are any day commendable. I’m not sure of the actions and policies of the Japanese in times of Turmoil, but in normal times, on firsthand experience, I can say they work very much parallel to the Marwari system. In case of economic difficulties faced by companies, there are instances of voluntary acceptance of LOWER WAGES by employees by mutual consent between the Employees and Employers. This is just one example – the modalities may be difficult – but the end result is definitely something to be emulated. It is a question of trust and care. Commanding and building confidences. Measures based on Humane considerations.
First we have to identify the problems, sit down and think and rethink, decide the priorities and at the core believe in what we say – Employees are the Biggest and most Valuable Assets of an Organisation. If so then an attempt to save it should be the TOP PRIORTY of the organisation.
The other way round, if retrenchment is taken recourse to – just imagine the fall-out, psychological pressures on the employees and their families, the after effects and the overall impact on the system. As such the situation is grim and in such circumstances a lay-off notice definitely cannot be considered Humane by any standard, leave aside justified. The Government should also contribute its two bits in tiding over the situation. A small example of the Government’s role – in case of adjustments of financial aspects – a prorata effect should temporarily be considered by Government in Taxes – both direct and in-direct. Making the government understand is not an easy task, but then for what do we have the Trade Associations and Chambers of Commerce. This is just an example and not as easy as it is said, but the time we are talking about is also not easy either. We need highly innovative solutions for extraordinary situation and looking to the present scenario – what more extraordinary situation can be imagined. We are fighting with our backs to the wall and facing a Break-down of the system. A situation where the Survival is at Stake.

Legalising - Live-in Relationships

A huge debate is going on around the country on legalising live-in relationships vis-a-vis marriage. Everyone has his own opinion depending on his preferences, upbringing, individual sexual exposure & experience, and background. Some state governments are in the process of formulating some laws to legalise it.
Live-in relationships – what exactly is a live-in and for what ends? As far as I understand, it is a relationship of convenience – in that case, is it justified to call it a relation at all. A relationship is based on mutual trust, sharing and caring, understanding and most of all giving without the expectation of a return. It is not a trade partnership where in we have defined assets and liabilities share. Relationships are based on Love, mutual or one sided. In case of mutual love – we almost touch the havens, whereas in case of one-sided love – over time it gets converted into mutual love only. Any relationship devoid of Love can never be called a relationship. Marriage also is a relationship, at least in India, and is never without love. Many people may argue over this, but ultimately they will have to accept the fact that it is not without love. In case of arranged marriages, it can be argued, how this relationship is based on love. True, at the start an arranged marriage is based on the convenience of the two families rather than the partners. The partners first start connecting sexually and gradually move on to LOVE. Our centuries old experience suggests it to be the most successful social institution. If everything is so simple and nice, then why at all we have divorces? There are exceptions; there is always a chance of things going sour. Here also the presence of love cannot be denied, only it is over-shadowed by other priorities. In most cases both the partners are equally responsible for the mishap, in a fewer number of cases only one partner may be at fault. This does not render the institution of marriage invalid.
The live-in concept is born out of this unfortunate mishap. The legal and social implications, the attendant cumbersome processes, both legal and financial, the time frame and above all the psychological toll on the individuals all add to favour a Live-in relationship instead of marriage. But the biggest fault with this is – even before starting – we are preparing for separation. The primary assumption here is – in case something goes wrong, in case things do not work out the way we want, in case we are not sexually compatible, in case ...., in case... so many in cases. With so many in cases – it is absurd to assume we will build a relationship at all. The most evident reason to get into a live-in relationship seems to be SEX and to some extent sharing some emotional ground. Here we do not recognise the fact that – A man trades emotions for SEX and a woman trades SEX for emotions. They may both enjoy the sexual aspect but the means and ends are at opposing ends. A man initiates emotionally to fulfil his sexual desires whereas a woman grants some sexual liberties to fulfil her emotional desires. Ultimately both reach the centre of the road – to enjoy sexual bliss.
Probably, this sexual aspect and the attendant pleasure is at the core of this man-woman relationship. In the animal world, sex is not for pleasure; rather it is a procreation activity. That is why they have mating seasons and unlike humans they do not engage in sexual activity at will and at any time. As humans, we have evolved and the compulsions of population explosion around the world have separated sex from procreation. In modern times, there is a significant percentage of population which engage in sex only for pleasure.
Nothing wrong with it, but where is the need of redefining the social institutions. We have had live-ins for centuries; even polygamy was a type of live-in only. Over time we have discarded polygamy in favour of monogamy. With legalising – live-ins we are going back in time and reverting to polygamy. Instead of multiple partners at the same time (Parallel Relationship) – we will have series of multiple partners one after the other (Serial Relationship). In case one relationship fails – we part ways – again fly like a freebee and get in to a new relationship, again we fail to live up to the new relationship – part ways and go on and on. In the process we would have robbed everything out of the relationship but for SEX. What will be the fate of the children born out of such Serial affairs is anybody’s guess. May be by resolving a small issue of divorce/separation, we will end up with much bigger issues in the future. Across the world what percentage of population subscribes to this system is anybody’s guess. For a small and insignificant percentage of supporters we want to disturb the whole institution and rock the very foundations of the Indian Culture is something beyond comprehension.
These are my views – many people may disagree with this line of thinking but I’m sure a larger part will agree with this. Let’s hope wisdom prevails and things work out well keeping the very foundations of our system intact.

Cyber Relationships & Social Net-working.
I’ve been net connected for quite some time. A very happily married man of 54 and having an extremely good and settled life. Due to my background, education and interests – have been in touch with my generation and the current generation. This has given me the opportunity to be in touch, and up to date, with all the so called in-things also.
Of the many in-things of the net revolution – in India at least, the social net-working and net friendship/relationship have developed to a considerable level. Many paid and free sites and net-works are in vogue. Lot of financial involvement is also there. One good thing which is happening is the opening up of an avenue where-in many people are benefited, though not without the attendant extreme risks of the net-connected world. Many liaisons are also made in the cyber space both for the better and worse.
In my various outings in this cyber world, many times in pop-ups, some social networking, adult friendship type ads also do pop up and raise my curiosity. I’ve joined some and found nothing of substance and subsequently left all. Still time and again keep visiting these sites to see what is happening around, how people are using/abusing it. The most prominent attitude, I have observed is, the cyber world is without any boundaries or limits, the extreme dominance of pent-up sex related feelings and ideas, adventures and/or misadventures. Most of the liaisons start with sex as a basic inbuilt component. The tone and demeanour looks mostly out of the fantasy world. I often wonder whether they will help us or destroy the social fabric we have inherited from our past. Are the basics of the Indian Psyche threatened? This also brings to mind a question from a very interesting book from Reader’s Digest – The book of QUESTIONS. In the book around 100 odd questions were there – which have no answers: for example – If you know your invention is going to kill some people but benefit most of the human race – will you go for the invention? There cannot be any correct answer to this question as the answers will be very individual. In the context of the cyber relationships also I find a strong similarity.
I also braved this space and explored to find some such contacts to have fun/entertainment or live out some fantasies (at least in the cyber-space) but did not have any success at all. Maybe I was not very keen to touch base and so the efforts were minimal but from what I read about the cyber-space, it should have been other-wise. Anyway I’ve no regrets.
Recently though I received a friend request from an unknown lady, a divorcee of 30 somethings. Just like that I accepted the request and started on my way to a fantastic new experience.
The beginnings were very restrained on both parts with the usual mistrust of the cyber world. Gradually it turned out to be an excellent experience. The present thought of – SHARING AND CARING is born out of this experience which I want to share with whoever is interested in, with the hope it helps someone.
On my part, as the aim was fun/entertainment/experience the expectations were minimal. There was nothing specific I was looking at. May be my curiosity was the only motivator. The same can be said for her – let me call her ‘R’. As we started the exchange of mails, chats on messenger and other communications – I could feel a volcano of hidden feelings in R. Belonging to a good family and well educated, R seemed to be in a perfect physical and mental state but for a small mishap of the divorce. Though she had already come out of the traumatic experience, still it has dented her overall beliefs in life. I could feel a well of feelings raring to be shared. Her beliefs and abilities, her mental assets and liabilities, her feelings, her emotions all waiting to be shared, reconfirmed, augmented. We have a big gap in the age still I could feel everything and she could empathise with me. From the beginning we were sure of a cyber relationship and nothing beyond; still the intensity of the shared feelings is beyond imagination.
This has provoked me to mull over the need for support groups. We have many help-lines, social support groups and other counselling alternatives but are they enough? Are they within reach of people in need? It has also raised the questions of support available from friends and family. Are we running too fast and after something insignificant and paying the heavy price by losing everything else in the bargain? It worries me to think of the future this life-style is leading us to. I’ve heard many times – Joy shared MULTIPLYS and Anguish shared DIVIDES. This is perfectly right, but where are the people with whom to share and where is THE reliability and confidence to do that? Why have we become so self cantered that we have lost everything else, neither are we a part of anyone’s life nor anyone else is a part of us, even in case of married couples many a times this absence of sharing is observed. Is this leading us to a mentally and emotionally bankrupt state? The situation seems grim though, but not beyond redemption. There is light at the end of the tunnel. First we have to take the lead, initiate and start sharing and caring – we will definitely get the same in return. Whatever the society has given us, we have to return with our added inputs. We have to look closer home for this and be open. Look around our own surroundings and be liberal and open to allow people to get in our shell.
We also have to change the attitude of fun/fantasies as a use of the cyber media – instead use it as a tool for betterment of life. The inventor’s of this space have given us a fantastic opportunity to make the best use of the medium. Let’s not waste it for living out sexual fantasies and pent-up frustrations. The available sexual exposure may please momentarily, and there is no harm in the momentary enjoyment but we have to be matured enough to filter out the permanent effects of the potential damage. Else it should better be refrained from. We have to grow-up and educate ourselves to openly discuss between friends on the TABOO subject and make most considered choice for such exposure.

MIND & BODY - HEART & SOUL

You must have heard the Song - Mind & Body - Heart & Soul - probably the lyricists' also didn't have in mind what this has provoked in my mind. I don't know for sure.

Apart from physical existence - what differentiates Humans from all other living beings are - feelings, emotions, ability to relate and communicate with other living beings and above all looking beyond existence. Plants, Animals all are living things and for existence - nature has arranged everything as per the individuals needs. Plants are immobile - almost without any motor function still nature has arranged for there life and existence, maintaining there immobile status. Animals share a bit more with humans - they have feelings, emotions on a finer level compared to plants but much inferior to Humans. And Humans - it is a fantastic creation of the ALMIGHTY.

How complex a system he has designed and built, the physical working at one level, enough to make one wonder, as if that was not enough, the different parts, mind, body features, internal organs and the overall system - how it is designed to work individually and as a whole. There is enough to keep wondering and still reaching no where. In the context of Mind and Body...... Heart and Soul again this makes me wonder about a lot.

Mind is a Organ and has a shape, existence and defined function. Same is the case with Body. But in case of Heart - (not the blood pumping organ) and Soul, they do not have any physical form or existence any defined functionality still - look at the similarity of both the duo. On the conscious level all feelings relate to Mind and most of the instructions are implemented by the Body. The maintenance of the Mind in perfect order again rests with the Body. On the unconscious level - the same thing is happening in the other pair - Heart is doing much the same as the Mind and Soul the same as Body. The only difference is at the conscious and unconscious level - visible level or physical level. When some one feels elated - we say "dil khus hua" - but the Dil we refer here is not the physical heart instead the proverbial heart.

At the conscious Mind & Body level we have so many rules, methodologies, preferences, biases, inhibitions, reservations and so on. On the other hand at the Heart & Soul level how free we are. All the impossibilities of the M&B levels are perfectly possible at the H&S level. A highly educated human being may never associate with so many things, because of so many factors at the M&B level, but can easily do every thing which he is not able to at the M&B level, on the H&S level. I may want to own the Tajmahal at the M&B level and know this is a impossibility and live in despair for the rest of my life, but if I can understand the H&S level, feel it, I will be a satisfied owner of The Tajmahal and live a very satisfied life. What difference it can make. And if one can have some communication between the two - M&B and H&S, how blissful life can be. Probably all dreamers, poets, writers are able to do it easily. Even scientists definitely are not untouched by this. It may only be a case of ego or courage to accept it as it is.

Probably the folk lore - heroes of LOVE - Romeo-Juliet, Heer Ranjha all had a permanent Hot line between the two. The dream relationships, platonic relationships, ideal love, Radha Krishna, Meera - Krishna all have a definite element of this understanding of the M&B and H&S inter connect. Probably, human relationships, love, hate most needs the understanding of the existence of this duo. Understanding and realization of this may lead to a much enriched life, "dharti par swarag", "atma aur parmatma" all seem to be a realization of this.

There may be so many things we may not be able to feel or live at the M&B level, we can live those and feel those things at the H&S level and have an equally satisfying experience. Similarly, the pains, trauma suffered at the M&B level can be relived at the H&S level, analyzed and forgiven and forgotten at the H&S level. It is very difficult or rather impossible to do so at the M&B level and it will keep on coming back at this level. Once transferred to the H&S level and resolved there, how easy it will be to come out of the pain and trauma. It leads again to the greatness of the Almighty to have thought of the parallel creation of the duo.

The more we delve inside and try to discover the workings, the more newer realizations come out.

Human Assets

A day or two back I was reading a report on Human Resources and one of the Minister of State addressing the conference mentioned that it is not proper to call manpower as Human Assets/Human Resources – in line with money or machine the other two M’s modern management. It is more appropriate to call it Skills enabled Manpower. How far we have come from the time when this most powerful asset was not even acknowledged as an asset. This is just the beginning and indicative of the maturity of economy and management process.

It will open up a lot of possibilities in the field of manpower - training, placement and management in general. In management parlance – there are various terms to describe this asset viz – Human Resources, Human Capital, Human Assets – with further divisions based on skill levels. Generally, the skill based divisions is restricted to workmen, skilled, semi-skilled and unskilled. If we take an overall view the entire Human Resources are rated on skill only. Alternatively let us call it talent. Each individual has his on level of talent and if used properly, every one of us is productive. I’ve been saying time and again – we have a lot of un-employment despite the fact that finding “the right man for the right job” has always been a challenge. Now there are even more challenging tasks ahead – first finding, then training and further ahead retaining.

Every society or culture has a different set of mind set and value system in terms of employee – employer relationship. Japan probably is one of the best in terms of employee loyalty. USA on the other hand has the advantage of the best at all times because of the fast turn-over in the HR arena. In my opinion in long run a long term relationship is the most advantageous to an organization.

We have a long history of successful HR management. We only need to re-invent the practice. The typical “Munim” in a marwari organization of centuries is a good example. Generally, a munim was mostly understood to be an Accountant. Those of us who know the working of marwari organization well be able to appreciate – Munim was in fact much beyond an accountant. He was a manager, accountant, consultant, confederate and part of the family. The loyalty was not limited to person but generations. A similar example is a Deewan in a Monarchy. These two examples amply suggest we have centuries of history behind us in the HR management field. Only we have to go back to the drawing board and re-work.

At the start of my career – in the late seventies, it was Quota permit Raj and I remember my MD saying to me “It is not the Factory which makes money, it is the Head Office” – and thus the scant respect for Human Resources. I could never agree to it though. Now the times have changed but not much. We still have a high turn-over in the HR arena. We have a lot of confusion. We are neither Japan nor USA wrt HR. We have lost both the Munim and the Deewan. I personally advise my friends to change jobs every 2/3 years if they want to progress, as in the same organization after a period of 2/3 years you start to stagnate – “Ghar Kee Murgi Dal Brabar”.

With the pace of development we have today – Human Resources is going to be the most attractive and challenging occupations. At least for the short term, we are going to have a high turn-over in the field. A lot of training resources are also equally important, though this is a little neglected at the moment – especially specialized training wrt the job at hand. Placement agencies are already having a field day. Another area requiring immediate attention is Counseling/Support to induce Loyalty. Counseling/Support is also required at Campus level where a lot of activity has already started with the exponential growth of education awareness. I see a lot of confusion at the +2 level of school education when a child has to choose a stream, here also Counseling/Support is almost non existent and required immediately.

We have already started recognizing the importance of HR and there is definitely HOPE ahead.

Entrepreneurship in INDIA

Today while reading an article on Entrepreneurship and College Degree in one of the Leading Hindi Dailies of Rajasthan “Rajasthan Patrika” – the experiences of my life with respect to this unique Indian trait came flashing back and tempted me to share my feelings with like minded people.

To start with – I’ll like to give my background to better understand the thought process I’ve been thru. I was born in Rangoon, Myanmar in a well to do business family. My father is a VIIIth pass but has done commendable business operations and I owe most of my business acumen to him. He has represented most of the Leading Japanese Business Corporations in Burma in the 50’s. My childhood was spent playing in the arms of his Japanese friends. I’m the eldest male child of my generation in the family, so in a way a much pampered child. My grandpa had settled in Burma in the early part of 1940’s and the family had to flee that country during the two World wars because of which my father’s education was greatly affected. After his entering business after world war-II and resettling in Burma and coming in contact with the international community combined with the experience of fleeing the country of residence twice, he developed a strong inclination for education for his children. He has been quite successful in this and 3 of his four sons are top class professionals – me the eldest son a M.Tech Mech Engr, next my younger brother – an MS ENT surgeon, next younger to Dr, a top of his field CA. He has achieved this despite a lot of disruptions in our education as well. In 1962 when I was in class 3, because of the then political conditions prevailing in Burma, my schooling was disrupted and for three years I was without any schooling. I moved to India in 1965 and resumed my schooling, with the support of my maternal uncle. My father shifted to India in late 1965 due to Nationalization of private business in Burma. During the resettlement process my education was also highly fractured till I entered college in 1970. I was one of the few destiny children, who despite so many breaks could get in to the most prestigious temples of Education –IT BHU and without loosing a single day of my life, at the young age of 21 had a B.Tech Mechanical Engineering degree in hand.

I still remember the words of my HOD – “why this boy is pursuing Engineering education, when from day one he is inclined to start his own business”. That was my mind set in college. Of course I fully attribute my rebirth to my Alma-matter. From a pampered childhood to a top class professional at the time of passing-out. In my career, I was always guided by my family, especially my father. He always tells, sincere efforts will surely lead to success. But the experiences tell a different story in the Indian context.

After passing out – instead of pursuing a career my total efforts were in the direction of an enterprise. The times were of “Quota permit RAJ”. Whatever efforts I made all led to getting Quotas and selling the goods in the Black market, to which I could not agree. I was always at a loss to follow this line of thinking and found myself on the wrong side of the table. I’d always argued that if someone can buy raw materials from the black market and still manufacture goods and sell at a profit, why not we manufacture and succeed. This is where I find the article in the Paper relevant – Entrepreneurial Success without degree. From time immemorial, Indian Businesses have had this trait in them. I don’t know if I’m right if I say – It probably is in the Genes. College Degrees simply do not have any relation to entrepreneurship. Both are stand alone. Education is Knowledge, enlightenment and may be the ultimate realization of self and ultimately God. Education is not commercial by any means and by no means lead to anything commercial. It is a very personal. Contrary to commercial logic – Education is something which develops on sharing or giving – the more you share the more you stand to gain. Ideally education provides the building blocks of national and character building. How far our system could fulfill these goals is a different story altogether.

Enterprise on the other hand is purely commercial. It is mainly for wealth creation primarily. Education can come in handy to make a Good or Bad enterprise but is not a prerequisite. Probably this is one of the main reasons, we have such a large percentage of the unorganized Sector. I often say that it is unfortunate for us in India that we have the most incompetent people controlling the most demanding TASK of nation building. I have a reason for this thinking – every one of us might have observed what I did but not linked in a way I have. In every family the parents want their children to be well educated to become an Engineer, Doctor or a good public servant. When all efforts by the family and the person fail, to lead to the ideal career option, we say put him in business. This line of thinking clearly suggests that education and enterprise are definitely two different ball games.

The state of business in our country is pathetic. Everyday we hold the total system responsible for the corruption and despondency. Who initiated this in the first place? The statistics speak for themselves. Till now compared to the salary circle of the IT Department what is the contribution of the small businesses to Direct and Indirect Taxes? The figures of other direct and indirect taxes are also a pointer in this direction, I remember undertaking quite a few feasibility studies for a projects and finding out the same to be viable IF electricity theft, tax evasion and other malpractices are used otherwise not viable, this in context of other similar projects working viably and me being labeled impractical by my family members. For one successful enterprise the no. of unsuccessful attempts speak for themselves, but in the end History is always written in favor of the Winner.

By no means I mean to belittle the success and achievements of the successful entrepreneurs, In fact their centuries old presence is laudable. They have a role to play but the time has come to make revision in the age old line of thinking. Already the changes are evident. Success of Knowledge Enterprises is clearly visible throughout the NEW INDIAN landscape. Quota Permit Raj is a thing of the past. Our success in the IT, ITES, infrastructure sector, nano technology, medical and other sectors is proof enough. We are emerging as a preferred Education destination. Globally we are on a take-over spree. At home also the need of the hour is to combine the best of both worlds.